The Chair

Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory. Perhaps not to the level of McCarthyism or the Salem Witch Trials, but every person enjoys extending natural phobia to a certain group and extrapolating those fears.

We can't help it. It is ridiculously fun to listen to Uncle Joe, or our favorite wacky college professor extol the evils of a certain group and what that group is planning on doing to society.

Many believe that the foremost way to indoctrinate and take over the world is take over education, ie; Hitler youth, or Peter Pan's lost boys.

Other believe that one can cause a war, then build a new society where thought is not allowed. Think Orwell's 1984. At the end of the story, the protagonist wanted to die rather than betray Big Brother.

However, my personal theory--which I fully intend to espouse obnoxiously once I become four score and seven years--is that world domination is easily accomplished through dental hygiene school, a few choice communication classes, and a rudimentary knowledge of psychology and sociology.

Allow me to elaborate....

Dental hygenists are people who, ostensibly, felt a higher calling to study chemistry and anatomy so that they could clean the teeth of people who forgot to brush. That's just nasty.

However, as anyone who has recently been to the dentist can attest what they really do is stick dental objects in their victims mouths, scrape their teeth, and talk uninterrupted...the whole time.

They talk, and prattle on about their kids, pets, life, music, favorite movies, really anything they choose. Occasionally they ask ask a question, but quickly follow that with an order to spit.

Really, dental hygenists have the ability to influence every person who comes into the office. A half hour of stream of their personal ideologies, and the young and mushy-minded have been influenced, and the old and wise have new ideas to mull over.

What if dentist offices weren't random and every dental hygenist had the same ideology they were trying to indoctrinate the population with... (Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition and ellipses.)

With a few choice communication classes such as Theories of Persuasion 301 (how to start your own cult) and decent knowledge of psychology and sociology (everyone thinks this, and if my dentist says it must be true!) within 30 years, the world could be functioning according to whatever mindset the dental masterminds wanted.

I personally think this theory is better than aliens.

Of course, I don't actually believe my dental hygenist is trying to influence my brain, so that a ruling class of dentists can take over the world, but I do know that I have been influenced by them. Or maybe I have...

A few months ago, I was lying in the dentist chair, having my mouth skewered while the dental assistant prattled on about a series she was reading. She hinted at enough of the plot to pique my interest, and babbled about how well-written it was, what she took from it, and how she loved the genre.

After 30 minutes of listening to its laurels, I decided to read it...eventually.

I read The Hunger Games because of my loquacious dental hygenist, have recommended them to several people, and personally believe they can be a great asset to English teachers.

This entire post, ostensibly on the theme of dental hygenists and their power, is actually just a prelude to my soliloquy on how The Hunger Games can be used to teach America's youth to read and analyze.

But that's for another time.

Facile est epigrammata belle scribere, sed librum
scribere difficile est.

It is easy to write a short poem, but difficult to write a book. Wheelock's Latin, chapter 16.