Losing Daddy

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. (James 1:27)

The world is a cruel, nasty place. Children lose their parents to a host of different problems and have to fight through life on their own.

I just never thought that world would come to me.

I grew up in middle class American. In the fields and orchards of northern California, beside my ever-growing number of brothers and sisters, and alongside my dad's businesses. Life was fun and we were full of dreams.

I remember that morning clearly. It was five days before my 16th birthday and I was obsessed with what (I thought) were the important matters at hand.

In fact, when I received the news that shattered my world, I could not believe the words. Literally. My brain would not let me process that my father, so full of life an hour before, was no longer with us. I fought the realization with my entire mental arsenal. Even when I saw the cold, white van take his body away, I expected it to turn back. It never did.

The next week was a flurry of brutal activities: funeral arrangements, hunting for funeral clothes, being with out-of-town family and kindness givers, birthday parties for my four year old sister, three parties for my sweet sixteenth,the viewing, and the funeral. Yes, we had to celebrate life and death in that week. Daddy died four days before my little sister, Joanna's birthday and five before mine.

But it was after "funeral week" as I so morbidly named it that reality set in. Daddy was not there. Oh, we thought he was there. His coffee cups, chair, mail, clothes, keys, and everything that said "Daddy" were still there, but he wasn't. We looked to each other and wondered what we were to do. Going on without him seemed sacrilege, yet we had to.

The days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and the months into a year. Every day, our Daddy-free routine grew more defined, and every day, we realized with amazement that we were still surviving.

It has been five years, an anniversary that seemed impossible that blustery day in 2007. Our family has grown, changed radically, struggled, and survived through these years.

Many people have asked us how we have made it, what we have done--what our story is. In truth, we had to allow our family to re-shape, change from the two parent system, to a one. For us, that meant that "us kids" now had more of a vote in the family, and though our mom was still the head, we all contributed to decisions.

These five years have shown the extreme blessings and power of God. My sister, Rachel said it best:( “A father of the fatherless, a defender of the widows, is God in His holy habitation.” Psalm 68:5. Five years ago today, my siblings and I became fatherless, and my mom became a widow. Our daddy was gone, and our lives felt as if they had been turned upside down. Yet, through these five years, God has done amazing things for my family. From provided in ways that seemed impossible, to even allowing my two older siblings and I to attend Christian colleges this semester, God has been faithful. He has taught me that every day is a gift from Him, and a chance to experience Him and learn to love Him better. As Horatio Spafford wrote after the passing of his daughters, “When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, It is well with my soul.”)

Truly, God has used so many people, believers and non-believers to give assistance to our family in so many ways. I sincerely thank each one of you who has given something, or prayed on our behalf. After Daddy's death, there was an outpouring of kindness from our community, but many feared it would not last long. However, God has used individuals in the past five years to continually show His mercy and love to us. For those of you reading this who have, in some way, been used by God on our behalf, I pray God blesses you richly for your kindness.

Of course, there are still many challenges. Even five years later, we all feel Daddy's absence deeply. We still miss him. Still need him. Surprisingly, most colleges are not too eager to help Christian widows and the fatherless--seeing them as just another statistic. But, through God's help, individuals at schools come to realize our story, and try to help. For my siblings and I, every semester is a hard-won fiscal battle. We have so far succeeded in not taking out loans, and without parental financial assistance, have paid our own tuition. Sometimes, even working when everyone else is playing is still not enough, and we have seen God use so many different avenues to provide for us--even using different siblings to help another sibling out in a tough fiscal time.

My reason for telling our story on this sad anniversary is two-fold: first, to educate people on the pain felt by losing a parent/spouse, so that they may be of a comfort of them. The second: to tell the tale of God Almighty's continual love and his faithfulness in fulfilling his promise to be a father to the fatherless. It is a struggle, one that can seem without hope. However, my family and I rests in the knowledge that God is on our side.