What's In a Name: Maiden, Middle, Married

Becoming Susie Maurer

This blog post was inspired by another story via blog of a woman who struggled with changing her last name. She tells a fascinating story of her journey and acceptance in the name change game, and why she is satisfied with her choice. It's thought-provoking


As a little girl, I thought women  who kept their last names were shrews. Don't they love their husbands, I would wonder. Who wouldn't want to change her last name. That was part of the excitement, the mystery, the dream of being a little girl, waiting anxiously for prince charming, who would ride up in his white diesel pick up and pull away in a cloud of diesel smoke and dust. White horse, pshh. 

Women who hypenated their names were even worse to my little girl mind. Why would you want two last names!?!!? And who would your children belong to? Which family?

Oh the musings of my sweet, young mind.

As I grew older, I learned that women changed their names, added to their names, kept their names for a variety of reasons--some of them quite practical.  One of my professors hyphenated her last name because  she and her husband had the same first name. Plug for NOT crushing your children with an androgynous name! She took his last name at first, but then when the hospital claimed he  was the one who had delivered their first child...she realized a change needed to be made. Obviously. Other women don't take their husbands names because they're well-established in their jobs and careers by the time they're married, and a name change would cause unnecessary confusion. Still other retain some form of their maiden name because they believe that's who they are; their identity. To change would mean to give up a part of themselves. I can understand that now.

I was twenty one when I got married with no career nor standing to preserve, so I readily, freely, and joyfully changed my last name to my husband's. I'd always known that my maiden last name was a temporary one. My sisters and I had always lorded over our brothers, telling them we got to change our last names, while they had to keep theirs. Childish squabbles. 

Changing my last name from Manthei to Maurer was one of those post-wedding day blessings I exalted in. Holding the same last name as my husbands means we are forever linked, a partnership, a unit. It also means that my very name screams "This one is, MINE, ladies" and I like that. A lot. It means that I'm connected to my husband's family, and it's fun holding the same title as my new sister in laws and mother in law. Although, no one aside from my insurance company calls me "Mrs." except as a joke right now. That'll come with my teaching days and mommy times.

 Hyphening my maiden last name with his last name  would have been ridiculous: Manthei-Maurer. That's impossible to say. It would've most likely been pronounced along the lines of "Maaaanthaaymurrrr". I'm thankful that I had no need to consider consider hyphening my name. 'Twould have been a nightmare.  Aside from my personal prejudices  keeping mine Manthei while his was Maurer would have been too confusing. They're both strong, un-phonetic Germanic names that people love to mispronounce and misspell, so people would have probably assumed I was a "Murr" anyways. Or they might have combined them and I could have been a "Murrman"! Yay!

However, when it came to the question of what my middle name would be, I encountered a quagmire. [I'm ashamed to say that word makes me think of a Family Guy character. Thanks, husband.] My parents (rather my father) insisted on giving all eight of children Biblical first and middle names. My dad came from a family eight and seven, yes, seven, sisters. Ergo, he had good reason to believe that he would need to be efficient with girl Bible names. There's not a great amount of female Bible names that sound natural to the American tongue to begin with. Then, one must subtract the ones that just don't sound pretty. To cut from the the dwindling numbers even more,was  my mother's insistence that the meaning of each name being a noble, beautiful one--she used to pray for us using the meaning of our names. The stock of sound, female Biblical names was whittled down to a  precious few. My parents' solution was to re-use our middle names as first names for other sisters and vice versa. When we were little we thought it was fun and special. Once we got older, we realized it just added to the whole "big family weirdness".

Weird or not, I still love that my middle name is my sister's first name. It makes me one of Steve Manthei's daughters. Drop  your maiden name, then. Given my excitement about changing my last name, it would seem as if I don't care about my maiden name. Au contrare! My maiden name is part of the heritage bequeathed to me by my late father. It connects me to my mother, to my seven siblings. I come from a line of  entrepreneurs, iron-willed men and women, who start businesses, have large families, and work with that legendary German spirit. It tells the tragic, yet inspiring story of my great, great, great grandmother, as well as my great great grandfather. It's more than a name to me--it's a lineage. It's not an ordinary name, one that many people have. It's a rare, difficult name. Most the Mantheis in the United States are related to me not too distantly. How many Smiths can claim that?

I have the short, stocky, curvy frame of my Manthei line. That inner drive that propels me toward unreachable goals. I cherish the memory of the 15 years and 360 days I spent with my father, a Manthei. I am Steve Manthei's daughter and that will never change.

How could I give up that part of my heritage, of myself, my identity. In the months leading up to my wedding, I deliberated. I thought. I cried. I asked. I prayed. I practiced writing both names. Eventually, I came up with  an unlikely, and frankly, unattractive name.

Susanna Rachel-Manthei Maurer. What a moniker. A Germanic mouthful. The program at the DMV doesn't even allow for hyphens in the middle name so my driver's license is just two lines and four names. It's ugly. And I love it. By keeping all four names, I have retained my whole identity. My identify as a wife. My identify  as a daughter. My identity as a sister. The hyphen, ugly as it is, enables me to have only one middle initial  R, which makes paperwork a tad easier. It is a hassle to have to write that whole name, and it doesn't look graceful and pretty when I see it printed. But it's me, and it elucidates every spectrum of my name and history. For that same reason, I insist on calling myself Susie, leaving my Christian name for legal documents. I'm Susie because my father thought it was adorable and wanted a Susie. Susanna was just for the Biblical aspect of it. Yes, it's in the Bible. New Testament. Disciple of Christ. :) I'm a Susie Q. Not O, Susanna. Yet another colorful piece in the mosaic of my name identity.

I've wondered if I would have been so attached to my maiden name or birth middle name, had my father not died. Maybe. I can't answer that now. I was five days short of my sixteenth birthday when my dad died, and it was nearly six years ago. I'm a radically different person now. For the woman I have now, a hyphenated middle name perfectly represents me. Each name was chosen with care and love, and each one has a story, a meaning and is part of the fabric that is my life.

I'm going to give my own daughters beautiful first and middle names and they'll inherit their father's (and mine now!!!) last name. What they choose to do with those three names given to them at birth when they marry is their choice. I hope they see each of their names as a gift, a heritage, a piece of family history. I would have been afraid to hyphen my birth middle and maiden last name were it not for the constant support of my amazing mom, and that  another lady I greatly I most admire assured me that she'd done the same thing. I would not turn into a man-eater if I had two middle names. Whew. (Thanks, Mita and  Mrs. B.)

That's what I hope to show my daughters, nieces, sisters and cousins. That you can be a good wife while retaining a piece from your past. Truly, we girls are the lucky ones. 

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