He'll Soon Be Gone

This is my grown up thanksgiving prayer.
I'm thankful that today my husband is with me, that (Lord willing) he'll be with me on Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful for the little home we share, the laughter, the love, and the bond that grows deeper every day.
I'm thankful for the days I wake up and he's besides me--or realistically--poking me to turn off my alarm and get ready for work.

The days we spend together are growing shorter, and soon it will be time for him to go.
I want to be selfish and demand a world where he doesn't leave, but that's ridiculous.
It's his job. It's what he signed up for. It's what I knew would be my reality.

I know what the pain of separation feels like. It's a knife, jagged, ill-formed, and cruel. It slashes as the heart, re-opening fresh wounds continuously. It's a dull ache in the back of throat. It's a reality that grows more painful with time, even as it becomes more manageable.

It's falling asleep alone, waking up alone, tending a baby alone, crying alone--alone but not really alone. Just separated.

It's one half of a heart, a unit, a life on one side of the world and the second half on the other side of the world.

It's seeing things the other would love and aching to share in those. It's remembering when we took one another for granted and mourning that. It's growing a relationship stronger every day, forging a bond through pain, denial, love, and trust.

It's dying to self and putting the one you love before your own feelings. It's being strong when you crave weakness, smiling when  tears brim, and loving fully and truly when it's hard.

It's the sound of an airplane's engine breaking your heart and the slow pace of a calendar bringing you hope.

It's love, marriage, and family tested and tried to come out stronger than ever.

It's being the one he comes home to, and waiting every day with the knowledge that an embrace long awaited is the sweetest.

It's sending your heart where he goes, while your physical being stays home.

It's a love that's hard, a love that's tried, a love that's true.

So today I'm thankful that my husband is with me, for many women do not have theirs tonight. I'm thankful for the challenges we will face, the growing process, the pain, and the love of our little family. I don't relish what's to come. I loathe the expected pain and fear the loneliness, but I am thankful for the trial just the same.