I've Made the Church a Stumbling Block

I'm about to admit something for which I have no excuse. Something that my background makes surprising. It's a candid, raw something. If you taught me Bible or lead me in Awana, you might want to look away. Or, at the very least, prepare yourself. 

Here it goes.

I just read ten consecutive chapters of the Bible for the first time (Romans 1-10). And I mean read.  Not skimming for the good, obvious parts to jot down in a requisite journal or for my favorite verse for a debate, but truly read. Feet curled up, eyes and mind engaged, pondering the words before me. 

I thought. I reflected. And I read more. 

Some of the verses were as familiar to me as a hometown. Their syntax and words long ingrained in my memory, thanks to a childhood of Abeka curriculum and AWANA.

But fore and aft those verses were new ones, that context that we Christians so love to debate. But they were more than just texture, more than just a velvet pillow for the gems of commonly memorized verses to rest upon. They were precepts, ideas, instructions, and yes, background that left me yearning for more.

It could be said that I truly read my Bible for the first time at twenty three. I might have read it like this a few times before--I honestly can't remember. 

But as I read, reflected, chewed and digested, I was struck with these thoughts. 

• There is so much more to this faith than the bare skeleton of power points and popular Bible verses. There's a richness in the words and syntax, but more importantly, a power. 
• Following the first point, I am so small. So weak. So petty, selfish, and guilty. So human. And yes, so sinful. 
• Romans is both straightforward and complex. The intricacies of faith, grace, the law, and righteousness have me needing to go back and read again. 
• The different interpretation battles that have caused thousands of denominations to sprout up? I understand the struggle now. With many verses, I wasn't quite sure what I thought, as various churches' beliefs flooded my mind. 
• Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes (Romans 10:4).

It's ridiculous that I've only just accepted this, but my battle with the modern American church and its denominational fragmentation can be won by reading the Bible myself. Not just a snippet or well selected chapter, but reading with the gusto that I would attack a beloved novel. Because this is my faith, my relationship, my struggle with sin, and my quest for righteousness in Christ. 

I can't judge others for their strange interpretation of the scriptures if I rely on faded memories of others' interpretation. I can't applaud my lack of legalism when I, myself, am guilty. It's difficult to look down on others when the words in the first ten chapters of Romans smack me in my comfortable perch and remind me just what I am. 

It is fitting that before I journeyed through Romans this evening, I read Proverbs 3, which opens with "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart (1)" when I've done exactly that.

I still know the key Bible verses, the most debated pieces of theology, and can fit in like a middle puzzle piece with Christian culture as well as anyone. But I let the building blocks my upbringing afforded me--an arsenal of Bible verses, a think tank of theological debates, and a running knowledge of the Christian vernacular to become crux of my faith.

It's easy to find what's wrong with the church, but I didn't want to find what was wrong with me. Yes, too many denominations struggle with patriarchy, and I'll no soon join the gaggle of female voices vying for "Most Submissive Mrs." then I'll declare myself a green elephant. But I can search, read, and mediate on the Scriptures and ponder the vastness of Christ, sin, redemption, and just what it means to walk by faith. 

I'm a sinner like everyone else. I need to practice more love and less harshness like everyone else. And like my brothers and sisters in Christ, I need to truly work to become more Christ-like, and not be distracted by my own faults that I find in others. 

I've made the church my very own stumbling block. Note that I didn't say "let", but made. The remedy to the legalism and minimizing doctrine has always been at my literal fingertips, but I've been ignoring it. 

Paul's letter to the Romans? It's a letter, a letter I've finally read as one.