Don't Be A College Kid

Two posts in less than 24 hours.... I have become that person.

But...a discussion in Irish Lit today brought up a subject worth addressing, and my arguments are currently swirling in my brain.

The College Kid persona.

Watch t.v., go online, look outside the door, go to the grocery store, and it's there. Something, someone advertising the reckless, carefree lifestyle of students pursuing higher education. (Sounds ironic when phrased that way, does it not?)
It's the idea that college is just another phase of childhood, another four years tacked onto the original eighteen years of life spent in the parental home. Only now the "kid" is a full grown adult--in size--and free of parental control. Oddly, not free of the parental bank account.

It's as if spending a few more years in school allows us to stay in a blind stage of acting juvenile, while loudly proclaiming that we are adults.

It's so expected, even in conservative circles, that older adults are amazed and intensely proud of younger, "college aged" adults behaving...adult like.
21 is the new sixteen, only with a licence to drink--legally--no expectations aside from that. Many times, high school students are expected to succeed more than college students.

"The full college experience."

"Having fun in college."

"Living it up before entering into the adult world."

If we think back into history, and see what was normally expected of twenty one year olds, the current standards of: go to school, have fun, make decent grades, have fun, have fun, work part time, have fun--are shameful.

Sixteen year olds can find jobs and work them, and work them well. Twenty one year olds can work, go to school, and pay their way in life.

Parents or grandparents paying a student's way in school is generous, but a student free of fiscal concerns should have more time to devote to work, volunteering in the community, church, family, and being a profitable adult member in society. College aged people should be the most viable adults, not oversized children. We have more time--homework taken into account--strength, and as the youngest members of the adult world, we need to serve so that we can learn.

I'm thankful that "college" in my family is not synonymous with being an overgrown child, that adulthood is expected of us well before eighteen. But I'm lucky. The average college campus is filled with overgrown children, who spend their time demeaning the parents that are paying thousands to keep them there, and complaining about not being given enough.

They are like over-sized, extra noisy, super-bratty babies at twenty one.

It's embarrassing that a fully functioning young adult, who happens to be pursuing higher education, is unusual. People my age who go to school, work, volunteer, and live meaningful lives with whatever combination of those endeavors should not be the exception.

Going to college shouldn't be an excuse to stay in babyhood. It should be an incentive to be the adult that the years of one's life have given. There are ways of fighting oversized children and encouraging adult-like behavior.

Work: In the summer, during the school year, all the time. Working at one's parents' house, keeping the house painted, lawn mowed, kitchen cleaned, working at a job, earning a paycheck. Work helps gives meaning to life, and provides a person with a sense of responsibility.

No allowance: Someone who is going to college, especially if the parents are helping to pay for tuition, books, and room and board doesn't need an allowance. Jobs are an excellent replacement to an allowance. Sending someone money for movie tickets, or fast food runs, or just spending money allows the student to remain in the child world of living at home. It will also save the parent money.

Don't give yourself, or your children, or your siblings, the expectation of behaving like a banshee during the higher education years. Expect adult behavior and, most likely, adult behavior will be given. This begins years before high school graduation. If children are expected to behave maturely from a young age, they will naturally morph into adulthood during the high school years, and by college, be completely ready to take their places in society.

However....
In no way am I advocating parents completely abdicating their role as parents. On the contrary, in the college years parents are need more than ever--for guidance and insight. Neither does it speak of childishness to save money by bringing home laundry--as long as one does not expect mommy to do it. A college aged young adult can live at home--at home--and behave like a fully competent and responsible adult. It is not the living space that defines an adult, but the living behavior. A parent giving the gift of an oil change, new tires, or some needed expense is an awesome way of solidifying an parent/adult-child relationship. As long as the college-adult did not expect the parent to pay for it...

This no doubt sounds harsh to many and more than a bit preachy. But the fact remains that today's young person feels no impetuous to behave like an adult until the "college years" are far behind him. He wants to be a college kid, and stay that kid for as long as possible.

Act your age. Not your shoe size.