The Day I Failed Pinterest (And Husband Loved It)

The Day I Failed Pinterest
Or Pinterest failed me
&
The Day I Failed Healthful Cookery
Or Husband loved it

Like any self-respecting woman[young woman-new bride-internet addicted-person], I have been perusing (ie, staring at my laptop or iphone clicking, pinning, and captioning "must try!!!") Pinterest anywhere between several times a week to several times an hour for the past [insert time period].

It depends how crafty I'm feeling. Or bored. I went through the wedding phase--weirdly after my wedding. I drew inspiration from weddings I'd actually attended--easier to visualize. I'm currently in the "food & funnies" stage. I don't go near the work out section. Getting workout tips WHILE cuddled on my couch is too hypocritical, even for me. I know where my running shoes and Jillian Michaels dvds are...hidden.

In an effort to make more than chicken salad, burritos, and spaghetti, I've been actively looking for "healthy-ish" recipes. (Healthy probably to make up for the hidden workout dvds...)
The other day I came across a yummy/interesting recipe for zucchini lasagna. Ie, LOW CARB LASAGNA!!!!!

I should have realized/remembered/accepted the reality
 that
a). low-carb lasagna is an oxymoron.
b). zucchini belongs in desserts or a frying pan
c). my husband belongs to the "I only eat vegetables if they really aren't vegetables" club
d). If I had to go my entire life without lasagna, I wouldn't care

But of course I didn't realize any of this--rather accept it. No, no, no. I, SRMM, decided to strain my--already feeble--culinary skills and attempt lasagna sans noodles, a la zucchini.

Yes, I kept my middle and maiden name. No, I'm not a hyphened last name feminist. And normally I just write SRM, assuming the second "m" is implied.

I began it with all the vim, vigor, and idealism of Anne Blythe in "House of Dreams." I made my ground beef simmer beautifully, even the onions, which I forgot at first. I made my version of ricotta cheese (which isn't ricotta at all and barely cheese, but still tasted remarkably tasty). I sliced, salted, and grilled zucchini on my George Foreman (whilst listening to/kinda watching Frasier on Netflix). And I seasoned the originally bland tomato sauce--all by my lonesome self.

Granted, I had Fraisier and my thoughts to occupy me.

My thoughts of beautiful domesticity. So short lived.

The problems began to arise when the dratted zucchini plastered itself all over my George Foreman grill.
Annoying, but slight mishap as I have a lot of practice cleaning it.  Next, I used too small of a pyrex dish. Very bad. I did the ol' squish and cram. Lesson learned: while that works with children, it does not work with tomato sauce.

Almost an hour after I had gingerly set my precious burden down in the oven, I noticed my kitchen was smoking suspiciously. I add suspicious because it smokes quite often. (My husband actually said that we shouldn't fix the smoke alarm because I would set it off too often. I heartily agree.)

It was smoking, and more than usual. Not delicate wafts of campfire, but billowing wildfire smoke (well, the kitchen version). I might be exaggerating. I quickly turned on the kitchen fan--thank you, microwave! I peered into the oven to see whatever might be the matter and I saw the problem. My tomato sauce had overflowed into the oven and my oven was doing the smoking act that us klutzy cooks hate.

I've dealt with billowing smoke before (ha.yeah...) so I used my--handmade by an adorable old lady in our old church--oven mitts and and placed my lasagna on the stove.

I spotted green. Zuchini is green. I gulped. As aforementioned, husband only eats vegetables if believes they aren't in vegetable state (ie, drowned in bacon or oil and vinegar) and vegetables visibly substituted for noodles was not going to go over well.

I am going to state here that I ate it and it was *reasonably* tasty. As in, "this tastes good but I can definitely tell it's healthier than it should be" tasty.

When husband appeared from whence he came, I excitedly asked him if he wanted to try my food.

Husband: "Is it healthy?"
Suze: "It's lasagna.."
H.:"Oh good!"
S.: "With zucchini..."
H.:"Why did you do that...?"
S.: "It's good for you!"

He assured me that he would eat some when he was hungry. He went the whole day not being hungry, until I made something edible that is. To his credit, he didn't complain. He just ignored the kitchen entirely.

He has the most fascinating thin person tendencies. I'm in constant awe.

To add salt to my wound or insult to injury (would you prefer the Biblical phrase or the American slang?) the meal husband requested was in NO POSSIBLE WAY healthy.

Three of the ingredients are: cream of mushroom soup, cream of chicken soup, and sour cream. Since I'm already going healthful cooking jail, I'll share the other two ingredients: angel hair pasta (oh yes, it was white) and chicken, which I grilled. One small victory. Super small.

I should have added a warning to any healthful/non-canned food/processed food readers to stop reading before the deadly list of ingredients. Don't judge. I've been married less than two months. I'm still working on vegetables...

Husband, of course, loved the carby, processed,  canned cream of something soup, very-little-chicken pasta bake that I made. Loved, as in, "this is worth the longest honey-do list ever" love.

I actually got both recipes off Pinterest, but who really needs more carby casserole recipes?
Obviously I do..
Pinterest failed me in the healthy food department. Never ever try to substitute zuchini for noodles. It just doesn't work. It tasted diet-y. 

But husband's stomach and taste buds were very happy in the end,