Every single year at Christmas time we are met with a barrage with two differing ideas.
The first is commercialized materialism, which informs us of every item we need, or should want. The list is endless, of course. We all find ourselves leaning towards covetousness, or just plain greed.
The second stems from the (positive) reaction to our commercialized Christmas. There are many, many forms of this, titles, organizations, but at its worst it could be called Western Christian Christmas Guilt.
It's the "you have so much--why are you getting/giving more. Think of others who have nothing! So don't do Christmas gifts" idea. And while this is true--we have so
"You have so much stuff--so do your kids...why not do this [this] instead." It's not the virtue of pure generosity, or selflessness that bothers me. It's the all or nothing of it. The idea that you must be desperately dying of starvation poor, or filthy American-rich and spoiled to death. There is a happy medium. There is a way to instill in your children the true meaning of Christmas, of generosity, of thankfulness and still buy them presents.
Holidays are not the issue. Giving gifts isn't a crime; neither is receiving them a sin. *Gasp* Celebrating holidays is something we get to enjoy as people. It's a time of merriment, of relaxation, of family, of joy, of giving and receiving, of unadulterated fun. It's fun. I loved getting presents as a child, and I love giving them as an adult. And I'll be truthful, as a child, I only liked giving them, while now I like getting them. It's wonderful how life changes us for the better. The holiday and Christmas season should be a time of celebrating, of celebrating life, the year, family, and for Christmas, celebrating the birth of our Savior. It should be a beautiful period. Unfortunately we've tarnished it with consumerism, which is brought about by ignoring the 10th commandment. We can bring the joy, glitter, and promise Christmas time brings by simply following God's "Do not covet" ordinance.
I have countless precious Christmas memories from childhood. However, I don't relate to the stories of houses overrun with presents and over-spoiled children on Christmas morning who have no concept of giving. That wasn't my house.
Like most children, Christmas was my favorite holiday. The tangy-scented Christmas tree that dropped needles all over the carpet; the multi-toned lights that twinkled everywhere; the decorations that added color and fun to every house and street; the festive, hopeful music that pervaded the air; and of course the presents. Those brightly wrapped, misshapen packages that promised desired books (personal favorite), needed clothes, or occasionally a fun toy from a generous benefactor. (Normally not Mom or Dad. More on that below.)
My siblings and I were blessed with less. With a large, ever-growing family, and Daddy's original business being logging (which died ten years before he did), my parents couldn't fall prey to the spoiling tendencies of most American parents.
The 3 oldest repping Daddy's logging business
Did we have bountiful blessings? Oh yes.
More than most the children of the world? Yes and yes!
Were we equal to most our peers in "stuff"? That would be a negative.
We received less throughout the entire year. Clothes, for most of my life, were hand me downs, and those, as and I got older, were none too many. Our parents weren't fans of plastic toys--and neither were we. We loved riding and crashing our bikes, having adventures in tall overgrown grass, and enjoying the finer parts of life: mud puddles. Bikes, grass, mud, and imagination were the four most important elements of our play time, and only bikes needed purchasing.
The inflow of Christmas presents depended on the year. Some years there were bikes--given to those who were bereft of one. Some years there were more simple presents: socks, shirts, a ten dollar book. We didn't care. We understood that presents weren't the center of Christmas--much as we wanted them to be. We learned early on not to draw up huge lists of "wants" and to truly be thankful for what we received. Some years, like the year Daddy had a brain aneurysm, there was an abundance of presents. That year, our mom decided that enough was enough. Before Christmas, she took many of the gifts she'd been given to give us for Christmas, put them in a box and doled them out for birthdays--both ours and friends-- for the next year. I remember her saying that we wouldn't appreciate the gifts if we had too many. To my nine year old brain, she was being an overly strict mother, but now I thank her. She knew that showering us with excess gifts would not be good for our spirits. She knew that we had an abundance for once, but instead of hoarding, she gave freely of our excess.
She emulated everything she wanted to teach us.
Children are not thankful by nature, nor are they naturally inclined to not covet, to not draw up lists. Good, thankful behavior must be instilled in children. We are all born
We've all learned this lesson, aside from my baby brother, who is still little and learning. But with seven older siblings teaching him, he will learn his lessons. ;)
My parents taught my siblings and I that coveting was wrong. We learned to not desire everything, or to expect/demand a lot on Christmas morning. Some years there was more; some years there was less. My parents taught us thankfulness by teaching us not to covet. We also learned about giving through those blessed people who gave to us during a hard year, and by our own parents' generosity and mindset. We learned creativity through having less. And we were blessed, so blessed.
A picture of us a couple Christmases ago with our sweet grandpa. (Yes, I'm on my way to work.)
(I've actually used the no-covet policy in every area of my life. When it came time to buy my wedding dress, I had no idea how to describe what I wanted because I hadn't perused thousands of dresses to fine the one. I was just looking for what I could afford. In the end, I was blessed to find "the perfect dress" at a fraction of its original price. I just told the sales lady what my budget what and let her bring me pretties. It worked well.)
I think the easiest, and probably best, way of teaching children to not covet and thankfulness, is to just give them less--throughout the entire year. Too often parents overload their children with extra stuff they want and by Christmas time, they fell obligated to buy a sleigh-load just to make it noticeable. Just buy less. It doesn't need to be a "needs only" basis. A luxury sprinkled in with needs make a happy and loved American child. But leave room for Christmas...
In my mom's household, the majority of the presents now are from one sibling to another. Everyone, even the littlest, buys presents from their siblings from money they have earned--(actually earning, not allowances or chores from parents) or gotten for birthdays, etc, or AWANA bucks, which is how our littlest siblings manage it. It is truly precious to see a young child so excited to give.
For my siblings' Christmas presents I always set a per person budget, look at their personalities, think about something they need but will also love, and divine presents from there. I've learned that cost is not nearly as important as the attitude of both the receiver and the giver.
Last year I was ecstatic to find Cabelas sweatshirts for my brothers on sale and in budget when I needed them to be. Now my brothers can look studly in super-warm and hardy sweatshirts that will last them for years. (I bought big sizes for the two younger ones.)
For my sisters, I do the practical and fun. An accessory or pair of shoes that are trendy but will still last several seasons for my college age sister, who is surrounded by peers with seemingly endless parental bank accounts, and who can do amazing things with anything I give her. (Probably because she has one of [..] when everyone else has a dozen of the same thing.) Soffe shorts, or super-cute pajama pants for my high school aged sister, who has limited funds and few hand me downs in that department.(She wears both all the time.) A sweatshirt and headbands (that I have seen dozens of times) for my grade school aged sister. And a cute (long lasting) top, or a Bath and Body Works gift bag for my mommy (she loved that).
These were last years' gifts to the fam. :)
My favorite part about giving my siblings and mom gifts is that I see them using the gifts, over and over (and over and over) again.
If you get less throughout the year, you will be more thankful on Christmas day for that needed sweatshirt, or special body spray set, and you will use those awesome Christmas gifts all the time. But before working on getting less, we have to learn to want less.
The 10th commandment is one that is incredibly applicable to today,and all but ignored. No one wants to admit that they covet. We all do, though. Daily. When we teach ourselves ( or teach children) to not covet, we are also teaching them to be thankful for what they receive. When coveting is at a minimum and thankfulness is high, then Christmas, once again, becomes a time of celebrating the Savior's birth via music, beauty, family and friends, and giving and receiving gifts to/from those we love and those in need.
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