When "Wife" is a Four Letter Word

Don't hate on the wife.

We are much cooler than this girl.

After I got married, I noticed other spouses married to military members would often identify themselves as "Air Force Wife"or  "Army Wife"etc.

 Before then,  I'd never though much about my husband's military career. My thoughts were more like this. "He's in the military, which means we got to get married earlier (at 21), so that's cool." End discussion.

 My IG "about me" and a babysitting profile both mention that I'm an Air Force wife. The Instagram part is for networking purposes and the babysitting ones to explain my moving/living/life situation.

Some women are really into it. Did you know you can buy diaper bags in "camo" patterns? Yes, truly. Think Etsy. And I've never begrudged these women their system of defining themselves. I thought some took it too far, but everyone takes something too far. And I understood... Many military wives (or husbands--not just wives) have to sacrifice their jobs, plans, or making changes to their lives because of their husband's role. That's the way it is. The military, in order for it to function, must be set up so that it exists as an entire lifestyle, not just a job. That means dependents get to travel along, or stay put, and plan our lives around it. So for some women, that's all they are (for the moment, I'd hope). A wife of something service member, trying daily to love him and persevere, all while life happens different that she planned.

And then I discovered an adorable blog that let me in on another secret. There's an entire world filled with [husband's occupation] wives. It's not just military ones!  The blog I follow is written by a young woman my age with an adorable baby and a hubby in med school. So she titles her blog as such. I love her blog. It's cute, sweet, honest, and there's pictures of happy people and a fat baby. Med school is a crazy, exhausting process. The person in med school has to devote his/her entire life to it while in, and the spouse has to hold the pieces together and guide the couple/family.

There are detractors who think calling one's self a [husband's occupation] wife is tacky, self centered, small minded, etc. They argue that a girl wouldn't call herself something mundane like...The Janitor's Wife.  To them I bring the counter argument of the novel Peace Like  a River by Leif Enger. The narrator/protagonist is a janitor's son. His life is shaped and formed by his position as the janitor's son. When something spills, kids mock him because his dad will clean it up. However, it's his dad that keeps the school from falling into a cesspool of muck and germs. (He is also an amazing guy. Read that book!)

Candidly, whether we want to admit it or not, most women [and men with spouses who have jobs, but this about women] are defined in some way by our husbands' careers. My uncle is a high school principal, so my aunt has lived her entire life under the auspice of "principal's wife" and has to live up to that standard. The same is applied to pastors' wives, to small business owners' wives (shout out to my mom), cops' wives (mother in law) and every other wife on the plant.

So yes, when a girl gets married and her husband moves her hundreds or thousands of miles away from home, and she has to make new roots, connections, and define herself, she might say she is an [...] wife. That doesn't mean that her entire identity is caught up in the existence of her marriage license. Or that she is a burgeoning Martha Stewart--just that she is in that phase of life because she married a man in that field.

I think "wife" has become a frightening term. Too often we think it bears implications of a lack of independence, creativity, and the looming cloud of patriarchy.  However, none of the blogs or people I've "met" have defined their roles as wives in that way. It really just means they are "along for the ride" for as long as husband is involved in whatever field he's in.

So let's stopping hating The Wife. Stop needling women because they admit they love their husbands, their babies, or even *gasp* love to cook. (Please, teach me how to *love* it. I can't figure that part out.) Stop lording over the women who admit that they can't pursue a fantastic career, advance in higher education  at the moment because they're supporting their husbands in their venture. It's not called being lazy or dumb. It's called working hard to maintain a loving, healthy marriage, and finding the romance in the mundane. (It's not just for Anne Shirley.)

Finally, for those women who really do only define themselves by their husbands and have no other hobbies, pastimes, or interests aside from being a [ ...] wife...ie, a lazybones who does nothing all day. You're wasting your life. Live a full, vibrant, beautiful life. You will be happier for it, and so will your husband.

Susie is a Christian, wife, barista, student, sister, daughter, and aspiring blogger and writer, who loves the elderly, babies, and a day full of laughter.