Pregnancy Confessions (edition 1)

I'm fourteen weeks pregnant, so I basically just look like I've constantly just eaten thanksgiving dinner. But because I'm horrible at keeping secrets and my mother is so much worse at it than I am, everyone and their neighbor knows. And my brain knows. And it's gone haywire. So without further ado, the first installment of Pregnancy Confessions. 

I like yellow now. Evidently. 

• I am that person. That picky, grumpy, *I just want to eat you* person. I might have made the subway girl scrape the honey mustard off my sandwich and reapply spicy mustard. (There wasn't a line AND I threw it up later.)
• I cry at the most unreasonable things. The other day we went to Chipotle (because Subway obviously isn't an option) and after I made the girl rearrange everything in my burrito and cut it in half, I bawled because Stephen handled it the wrong way. The dear man just stared at me, silently praying that nice Susie would return. She did and was properly embarrassed at crying over burrito maltreatment. 
• I might have grabbed a bag of candy of the shelf and munched on it, while I shopped for the rest of my groceries, and THEN paid for it 
• I'm terrified of newborns. I actually forgot how to hold a newborn the other day, and awkwardly struggled with it. And when it started crying, I almost cried, too. I've been holding newborns since I was four--it's second nature. But now that I see them as my future, I'm utterly terrified. 
• I'm convinced most babies are ugly right now. Again, terrified of them.
• I redecorated our entire living room in red and yellow. I've always hated yellow and now I adore it. Running with the trends? Crazy hormones? Hopefully I still like it in seven months. 
• 
  
• I'm totally cool with the fact that all men are convinced pregnant women (even in their first trimester) are these precious, fragile creatures. Let me take both of the chairs in the break room--one for the back side and one for my feet? Sure. Tell me not to stand up to give you a hug--totally. Make my husband put away the leftovers--not a problem.
• Every single other pregnant woman on the planet is way more attractive than me. I'm convinced of it. 
• My fourteen week old fetus is OBVIOUSLY and undeniably the cutest thing in the entire world. (Does that contradict my fear of newborns? Probably. Does that matter? Of course not.)
• If I get stopped by a cop in the next six month, I am unabashedly going to use that to get out of a ticket. 
• I drove the forty minutes to base, only to realize I forgot the package I had to deliver to my husband. The package that he had reminded me NOT TO FORGET.
• I was ridiculously excited that this week the little bean in me started peeing. Stephen: "Babe, that's gross." Me: "You can't say that. It's wonderful!"
• And finally, I really want to dye my hair. But just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm sentencing the tiny human in my uterus to untold troubles.